I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
