Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
