how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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