2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
