dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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