I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
