I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
