I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize