I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize