Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
