Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
