I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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