Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
