I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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