did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
