fuck your aforementioned shoe
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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