Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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