then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
