Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
