Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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