I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
