he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
