I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She's the barista slut.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
