remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
