big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
