I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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