oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
