She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize