I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
