im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
