fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
