Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize