I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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