does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
