God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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