This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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