don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
