she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize