Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
