Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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