I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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