instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
