I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
