that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
