i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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