The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
