Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
