Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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