I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize