she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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