Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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