member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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