I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So squirting runs in the family.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize