Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
