I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
