i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
