you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
