At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i barfeds in our rink
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize