I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
