its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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