what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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