over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
