You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
