All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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