If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
