We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
