the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
