Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
