My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
