went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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