This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
