sarcasm needs its own font
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
