dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Randomize
