i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
