It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
